April 17th, 2024.
Eight in the morning and I am renting a motorcycle. Today I’m starting “The Loop”. A multi-day motorcycle trip in central Laos. I have some marked points on my phone’s map, but ultimately, I’m not really sure what I’m getting into. The last motorcycle trip I did similar to this was 6 years ago. The Ha Giang Loop, in the North of Vietnam.
I rent the bike. Four days. I tie my bag at the back of the bike, but it takes me a while. It doesn’t help that is 8:30 am, and I’m already soaked in sweat. The heat, really unforgiving at this time in Laos. Just accept it, I think.
This is not working. As I exit the town, I’m not ok with this setup. It’s only the first day, getting used to the bike, the bag, the weight, the heat. This is expected. The bike is a semi-automatic, the gear-down pedal is weird, in a position where it’s awkward to hit on the road. I think about going back and changing my bike, but I already wasted too much time figuring out the bag situation. I don’t want to waste more precious time. This time, the morning, which is supposed to be less hot. It makes no different, morning, noon, afternoon, It’s just hot all the time.
My helmet has no visor. The only other helmet at the rental shop with a visor was too small. Damn this big head. It’s eating the sun and mosquitos on the face then. I had to stop one, two, three times to change the bag strapping situation. The third time I think of the most obvious idea, why not just carry the big bag on my shoulders, with the bottom resting on the seat. This. Does. It. With the bag situation solved, it’s easier to enter a riding mood.
I’m being swallowed by mountains. Before, I could only see a wall of mountains in the distance. Now, they are all around me. I have crossed a threshold, and inside these mountains, something is off.
It’s been two weeks since I’m travelling alone. With long stretches of solitude, I start to question myself. Who am I? What’s my personality? Who can I be in this trip? No one around me knows me. I could act however I want and nobody would say, “hey, you are not like that!”.
As I pass these mountains, a rush of cold air hits my body. Yes please. A break from this all-encompassing heat of the last couple of days. More waves of fresh cold air come my way.
I wouldn’t mind leaving my persona behind in these mountains, come up with a new person to be. All these things that pull me back, that scare me. All these things could disappear if I become a new person among these mountains. Enter this sacred place and leave changed, for the better.
After I enter this kingdom of mountains, the landscape changes with it. Death trees. There’s so many of them. On my right side, field after field of dead forest. Some trees on the ground, some burned, others not. It doesn’t look like a wildfire did this. Afterwards I ask the staff at my guesthouse what caused this. They tell me it’s the local farmers, burning down parts of the forest to plant cassava. This practice, according to the staff, has only become more popular recently.
Ten kilometers before reaching my final destination for the day, the landscape changes again. It’s more death. A different death. Flooded trees. Hundreds of death trees rising from the reservoir of Nam Theun 2 Dam.
Who am I? In between all these dead trees, I could also leave my personality. Flooded. Burned. Cut. Everything in the name of progress. Some things have to die for others to live. I hear a thunder at the distance. Everything else is quiet. I pass by cows grazing along the street. All I can hear is their cow bells as I pass by. Then it strikes me. This death is not sad. I don’t feel retreat or mourning for this death. It’s a different death. A “nothing can be done about it” death. A “that’s life” death. It’s not easy, death. It’s gritty, but must be endured.
I get to Thalang, check-in at my guesthouse, walk around. There’s the reservoir, there’s the death, flooded trees. Everything is quiet. I listen to “Awaken, My Love!” album by Childish Gambino. It fits the landscape. I was engulfed by mountains and brought to a strange, death landscape, where trees and personalities go to die.
